I hate all girls vehemently.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
