Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
