Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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