Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
