it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
