there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
