nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
