You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
