Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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