I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
