I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
