So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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