DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
