apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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