so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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