I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
