theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
