im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
