i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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