I wish i was in the wii world.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
