I hate all girls vehemently.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize