Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
