ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
