god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
