i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
