I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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