Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
