i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
