Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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