You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
