You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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