she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
