Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
