I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
that's an acceptable place to lick
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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