Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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