I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
