I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she smelled like a LAN party
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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