Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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