She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
