If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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