five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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