Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
soo... how was my night?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
