I wish I only lived at night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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