Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
