we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
