Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
