I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
