I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
