you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
