Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
