Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
