Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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